The Ultimate Fairy Tale

May 10, 2010

My parents, Tim and Jean, have been through the ringer a few times together. They met in the late 70's in a band called "Sweet Surrender" and fell straight in love. Mom wanted kids, Dad kinda just went along with it. They got married on September 20, 1980 decked out in powder blue tuxes and yellow dresses. (Ug-LEE in my opinion, but whatever!)

They had me just 10 short months later. Letting life come at them as it did, Joel was born a mere 14 months after me. YIKES!!! They settled into life in a modest two story home in South Saint Paul, MN.

As with every marriage, there were difficulties. Instead of rehashing the unhappy moments and airing dirty laundry, we are going to focus on the fairy tale part of the story.

17 years after they got married, my parents divorced. Many different things led up to this parting. I truly believe that they needed some time apart to discover who they were and what they wanted out of life by themselves before they could commit to another relationship. They both "dated" here and there after the divorce, but to no one that they could either see building a future with.

They still remained friends after they divorced. Dad would help Mom with her car (as he does for ANYONE who parks their car in his driveway - it is like a full-service garage - even if you just stop by to say "hi"!) and mom helped him out. They embarked into separate lives, although they always stayed somewhat connected.

Some people would assume that they stayed in close contact because of the kids. But my brother, Joel, and I were nearing our 20's and didn't really have the need for constant "parenting".

Life and it's ironic cruelty at times led my mom to moving back in with my dad, 8 years after the divorce. She needed somewhere to live and his door had always been open for her. After some ground rules being set, she moved back in.

In this time, I had gotten married and got pregnant with Cadance. I could not wait to be a mother, and my mom was ELATED that she was going to become a grandmother.

Cadance was born and life was merry. The year after Cadance was born, my dad turned 50 years old. On New Year's Eve, 2005, my dad took his very last drink and he has never looked back.

Watching an alcoholic become sober is an experience that is hard to put into words. I feel like I did not know my dad my entire childhood and I was getting to know him for the first time. I discovered that my dad is funny - really funny! He is highly intelligent. He has an amazing work ethic that is to be respected and modeled after. He is more talented than he will ever admit to, but he takes pride in what he does well. He is loving and gentle and unarmingly sensitive at times. He has a deep faith in God. My mom started to see these things in him too. And now that he could see life clearly, he started seeing the treasure that she is.

My mom has most tender heart of anyone that you will ever meet. In the "rediscovering of themselves" process, she realized that she sometimes let people take advantage of her, but she was starting to grow a backbone so she could stand up for herself. She is kind, generous, and loving, almost to a fault. She always put everybody else first. She has an amazing natural music ability, yet she is more modest than Mother Teresa herself. She has this quiet rejoicing about her that is so precious. She, too, has a deep faith in God.

Having gotten to know themselves as single people, they started "dating" again. My dad would take my mom to the Como Zoo on Friday afternoons so that they could walk through the Conservatory and he could take pictures to torture Joel and I with later. (I mean, seriously, how many pictures of one flower can one man take?!?!) They went out to dinner together. They went to concerts together. They made a date of grocery shopping together. They were "together" for the first time in their relationship. I had NEVER seen them date or be affectionate in my childhood. Seeing their newfound happiness was exciting, but also a little disarming at first. How many kids just PRAY their parents get back together after a divorce? So many. Yet, how often does it really happen? Not very.

On May 23rd of this year, my parents are getting married. To each other. This marriage was born from forgiveness and a true understanding of what unconditional love is. A fairy tale, blessed by God.

In the ceremony, they are incorporating things they had in their first wedding. Some of the same songs, and traditions that our family has held close throughout history. Joel and I are going to be performing as well. It should be interesting to see how many tears are shed in this truly remarkable gift that God has given them.